My firstborn was, and still is, excited about school. He loves to learn, and loves making friends. My second, the independently intelligent social butterfly, is equally excited for her turn to come. Ready to prove herself in every area.

I was the cool mom. The one who was not clingy or weepy. The one who encouraged her kids through the door, greeted every teacher with a smile of excited anticipation, the one who volunteered for every event!  I was that mom… for the first 6 months. All it took was one afternoon of homework for my tough cool mommy exterior to completely melt away to a meek, gushing, soggy mess.

That first year of school was wonderful, best experience we could have asked for. The teachers were  amazing, the school and location were awesome. My son learned so much, and did so very well. We could not have asked for a better experience. But half way through the school year I realized the one thing school was robbing me of.

Time.

This hit me like a ton of bricks one afternoon when he came home with homework. It wasn’t hard, especially for him. But it took time to finish. Time we normal spent doing fun things together. That time was gone. *SNAP* Just like that.

As the rest of the year played out, it happened more often. I was so excited for Summer to arrive, we would have all the time in the world then! (Insert Olaf singing here)

Nope! I had forgotten how busy we were every year during that first month of Summer. Things that we do every year, but were never before preceded by 10 months of school. Coming right out of end of school year events, that normally fun month was still fun, but grueling. It went by so fast that I could not tell you honestly what happened during that time. I think there was VBS in there some where…

Our Summer’s are short here too. We get 8 weeks. By the time we get into a groove, relax, and get around to making plans for fun family events, it’s time to go back to school. We do our best to make time day to day. Play games and read books. It’s harder on my husband since he works later hours and doesn’t get to see the kids as much. We just were not prepared at how fast time slips away once school begins.

I have a hard time relating to ads and phrases that express the excitement parents have for their children to go back to school. I just don’t feel it. I think I will always want one more day…week…month…oh shoot just give me one whole year more of toy cars, tacky crafts, cartoons, and sticky fingers.

Now my son is going into the first grade in just over a week. I find myself desperately trying to make time slow down. I’m not ready. Oh sure, we have clothes, supplies, back packs, shoes. We kept up with our studies over the Summer and all the necessary forms are filled out. But I’m not ready.

I hope when my daughter starts kindergarten next year she is not too embarrassed by her mom weeping uncontrollably as she walks into class. As excited as she will be, I will know what it really means. I will know now what I am loosing.

I’m not ready to let go. I don’t think I will ever be ready again.